14

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And so it’s 14 now. Fourteen years since you’ve entered our lives.

Well, the very first time I was introduced to you was way earlier and I recall it as if it was yesterday. I was standing in the corridor of our old apartment (do you remeber it?) and it must have been late morning because the sun was shining so bright through the bathroom window and onto the wall that I had to look down while waiting for the pregnancy test to reveal its verdict. As the two positive blue lines appeared I stood there speechless for a couple of minutes, soaking in the fact that a true, tiny 2-week person was growing in my bosom (utter amazingness). Then I rushed to the phone to tell your dad because there was no way I could wait until evening. This happened 14 years, 8 months and 1/2 ago.

I had often wondered how it would be when we would gaze straight into each other’s eyes – check, that’s done now and soon you’ll look down at me. Your physical changes are so impressive lately that I sometimes stop and look at you while you don’t notice. Are you still you, the same you? ‘Cause, you know, a parent expects his children to grow but how, nobody knows. That’s a book that one unfolds one page at a time and that often makes sense only looking back. Your hair has turned from blond to chestnut, you’ve become so much taller and stronger, your figure is changing. Yet, when I look at you carefully, I recognize the same smile; those long eyelashes and something graceful about you that made people sometimes think you were a baby girl even if a dressed you as a boy; that dimple on your chin like your dad and that way you have to make a joke and remain serious while your eyes laugh. Yes, you’re always you.

Happy birthday beautiful boy

I’m happy and proud you’ve chosen me as your mama

a special present #3

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You were never much of a talker and you let your gestures show how much you cared: your delicious cakes, the sweaters you would knit for me, the tiny thoughtful presents you would leave on my table. It took me years to understand and appreciate your silent devotion, your daily commitment to make us happy.

For your birthday, in this special moment where your health plays tricks on you, I wanted to offer you something special. In order to speak your language I had to find the right gesture which would quietly go to your heart: I would exchange roles and become the one who would spend hours knitting for you, sticht after stitch, as you used to do.

This special present was a race against time and came to an end at 2 am of December 18, just in time to weave ends inand wet block it before closing my suitcase on the 21st.

As you unpacked your gift you paused an instant, sort of incredulous. As if  – knowing so well how much time it takes to complete such a project – you couldn’t conceive that someone had done this for you.

You murmured it’s beautiful and caressed the yarn with your hands.

Those very hands that have so often held needles and yarn for somebody elses’s delight.

Then you lifted your eyes into mine with the most radious smile and simply murmured thank you…

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The sweater pictured above is size S of Seneca by Brooklyn Tweed knitted with 5 skeins of Cascade 220 on 4,5 needles.