chasing light through photography
*This moment*
A weekly ritual, inspired by SouleMama’s blog: a special picture, without subtitles. A unique, everyday or extra-ordinary delight that I want to record and cherish. Don’t hesitate to share your link in a comment for all to see if you wish to join in.
And so it’s 14 now. Fourteen years since you’ve entered our lives.
Well, the very first time I was introduced to you was way earlier and I recall it as if it was yesterday. I was standing in the corridor of our old apartment (do you remeber it?) and it must have been late morning because the sun was shining so bright through the bathroom window and onto the wall that I had to look down while waiting for the pregnancy test to reveal its verdict. As the two positive blue lines appeared I stood there speechless for a couple of minutes, soaking in the fact that a true, tiny 2-week person was growing in my bosom (utter amazingness). Then I rushed to the phone to tell your dad because there was no way I could wait until evening. This happened 14 years, 8 months and 1/2 ago.
I had often wondered how it would be when we would gaze straight into each other’s eyes – check, that’s done now and soon you’ll look down at me. Your physical changes are so impressive lately that I sometimes stop and look at you while you don’t notice. Are you still you, the same you? ‘Cause, you know, a parent expects his children to grow but how, nobody knows. That’s a book that one unfolds one page at a time and that often makes sense only looking back. Your hair has turned from blond to chestnut, you’ve become so much taller and stronger, your figure is changing. Yet, when I look at you carefully, I recognize the same smile; those long eyelashes and something graceful about you that made people sometimes think you were a baby girl even if a dressed you as a boy; that dimple on your chin like your dad and that way you have to make a joke and remain serious while your eyes laugh. Yes, you’re always you.
Happy birthday beautiful boy
I’m happy and proud you’ve chosen me as your mama
*This moment*
A weekly ritual, inspired by SouleMama’s blog: a special picture, without subtitles. A unique, everyday or extra-ordinary delight that I want to record and cherish. Don’t hesitate to share your link in a comment for all to see if you wish to join in. Cheers!
So it’s 7.
Seven years since the day I felt a tiny sting in my bosom while catching the bus and I thought « that’s it ». As I sat down because I had a long journey ahead, I looked out of the window and took a mental tour of all the things I had to take care of; the maternity carry-on, your brother’s activities and little gift, dinners in the fridge. Before telling anyone that it was it, I slowly carried my huge belly to some grocery-shopping and through all those tiny to-be-finished tasks. And all the while I whispered to you « hold on love, just a little bit longer, I’m almost ready » and to myself « hold on to this moment, before your world changes forever again, don’t miss a bit of it ». You listened to me, you know. It was not until everything was done that the pain grew stronger and the waters broke and we rushed in the car, my breathing more ad more ragged, the pain reaching its highest peak, the doubt, the fear, breath in, breathe out, you can do it, you’ve done it before, just lean in, the friendly voices cheering, we’re almost there, then my world stood still, unique incomparable wonder, meeting your eyes wide open as you were lying on my womb.
7 days since that day, my joy fairy, my little bird. It feels like yesterday yet forever. For me, you’re always that tiny newborn, almost not crying and spending the night teaching my breasts how you want to be fed. But I know you’re growing up and, not so far away, the day will come when I’ll no longer be the center of your universe. I’m overjoyed to see you grow and become your own person, with your tastes and personality. But I would lie if I said that in this mama’s heart, who cradeled you, as your brother, each day ever since you were born, there is not also a pinch of apprenesion thinking about this. Thank god, there is a remedy. A panacea for this melancholia: seeing you happy and laughing.
Happy birthday sweet fairy,
may all your future days be filled with such joy and wonder.
*This moment*
A weekly ritual, inspired by SouleMama’s blog: a special picture, without subtitles. A unique, everyday or extra-ordinary delight that I want to record and cherish. Don’t hesitate to share your link in a comment for all to see if you wish to join in.
*This moment*
A weekly ritual, inspired by SouleMama’s blog: a special picture, without subtitles. A unique, everyday or extra-ordinary delight that I want to record and cherish. Don’t hesitate to share your link in a comment for all to see if you wish to join in. Cheers!
« Mommy…? It would be nice if we went to Guadeloupe right? There are plenty of coconuts there. Coconut is yummy… Well, one must be careful when walking down the beach because if a coconut falls on your head…OUCH! Ha ha…Mommy, mommy!! Look, there are coconuts there, can we buy one, please please?? yes? Thank you mama, you’re the best mommy in the world! Oh, it’s beautiful, I wanna carry it, can you give it to me? Yes, I can carry my bag but I’ve got one spare hand because I must carry the coconut…Mommy? can we open it when we get home? I can’t wait to taste it, it must be sooo good…And I’m gonna drink in it with a straw, ha ha ha…it’s gonna be so fun…! Oh..you can’t open it?…we must wait for papa, he’s stronger. Mommy…? When does he arrive?…late? ohh…Mommy!! Mommy!!! Look, we’ve opened the coconut, look! We can drink the milk with a straw, do you want some? Ahhh…it’s the best day of my life! …Then we can also eat the coconut, with a knife, like in the organic store, it’s good right? Uhmm…you’re right, it doesn’t taste as good…ohh it’s a pity…mayve we have chosen a bad one? Well yes, we’re not coconut experts…Anyhow it’s beautiful right? Never mind, we can clean it and I’ll put my things in it….Mommy!!! Look what Gema has done!! She’s cleaned the coconut, isn’t it great?! Oh, it was easy, she took a knife and hop hop…she knows well coconuts, Gema. We can ask her to choose a good one next time ».
Chiara, 6 yo, and her first coconut…
***
You were never much of a talker and you let your gestures show how much you cared: your delicious cakes, the sweaters you would knit for me, the tiny thoughtful presents you would leave on my table. It took me years to understand and appreciate your silent devotion, your daily commitment to make us happy.
For your birthday, in this special moment where your health plays tricks on you, I wanted to offer you something special. In order to speak your language I had to find the right gesture which would quietly go to your heart: I would exchange roles and become the one who would spend hours knitting for you, sticht after stitch, as you used to do.
This special present was a race against time and came to an end at 2 am of December 18, just in time to weave ends inand wet block it before closing my suitcase on the 21st.
As you unpacked your gift you paused an instant, sort of incredulous. As if – knowing so well how much time it takes to complete such a project – you couldn’t conceive that someone had done this for you.
You murmured it’s beautiful and caressed the yarn with your hands.
Those very hands that have so often held needles and yarn for somebody elses’s delight.
Then you lifted your eyes into mine with the most radious smile and simply murmured thank you…
***
The sweater pictured above is size S of Seneca by Brooklyn Tweed knitted with 5 skeins of Cascade 220 on 4,5 needles.
Nous voilà de retour après nos vacances en Italie. Deux semaines de congé au milieu de l’année pour la première fois depuis des lustres. C’était bien, les amis, oh que oui! Mais, les jours ont passé et le temps de partir, avec son pincement au cœur, est arrivé. Les enfants étaient ravis de retrouver leur maison à Paris, pour moi c’est toujours un peu plus difficile, ça demande quelques jours d’acclimatation…
En regardant l’année qui vient de se clore, je suis reconnaissante:
pour mes deux enfants magnifiques, sains, sensibles et drôles, qui s’épanouissent sous mes yeux jours après jour
de m’être rapprochée encore un peu plus de la personne que j’ai envie d’être et d’avoir appris à m’accorder plus de temps pour moi
d’avoir, dans des moments difficiles, trouvé la sérénité au fond de mon cœur
d’avoir beaucoup plus souvent ressenti de la gratitude pour ce que j’ai plutôt que le regret pour ce que je n’ai pas
d’avoir trouvé le temps et le courage d’accomplir Ce (petit grand) pas sur la lune!
Je n’ai pas de résolutions particulières pour cette nouvelle Année, sinon de continuer à chercher la sérénité, la gratitude, la joie et confiance en ce que j’ai.
Et vous, les amis?
Je vous souhaite une année pleine de joie et de beaux moments à partager,
bon 2015!
And so we’re back from our holidays in Italy. A two week break as I hadn’t done in a long time and it was good, oh so good. The days have flown by and the time to leave, with its bittersweat taste, finally arrived. The kids were happy to find their home back while for me it’s a bit more difficult, it takes me a few days to settle down.
Looking back upon the year that has just come to an end, I am grateful for:
my two beautiful, sweet and smart kids whom I have the chance to see evolving each day
having come a few steps closer to the person I want to be and having learned to grant myself more me-time
having found peace and strenght in my heart in this year’s difficult times
having felt gratitude for what I have rather than regret for what I don’t have
having found the time (and courage) to do this Step on the moon!
I don’t have any special resolutions for 2015 apart from walking further on this path of finding peace, joy, strenght and gratitude in what I have.
And you, dear friends?
I wish you a bright New Year, full of joy and of many tiny happy moments to cherish,
happy 2015!
* In her hands *
Because I was blessed with a little girl who sees magic and beauty everywhere, because her pockets are always full of wonders that she loves to show and tell you all about. Once a week I’ll share a pic of these treasures here. As a souvenir for her. But most of all to remind me to see all the beauty that’s around me, just like she does. If you wish to join, please share your link for all to see. Enjoy your evening friends!
* Dans ses mains *
Parce que j’ai été bénie d’une petite fille qui voit la magie et la beauté partout. Parce que ses poches sont toujours pleines de merveilles qu’elle est ravie de vous montrer et raconter. Une fois par semaine, je partagerai ici une photo de ces trésors. Comme un souvenir pour elle. Mais surtout, pour me rappeler de regarder toujours la beauté qui m’entoure, comme elle sait si bien le faire. Si le coeur vous en dit, partagez votre lien dans un commentaire pour que tous puissent le suivre. Je vous souhaite une douce soirée, chers amis!
CRISTINA PORZIO 